CNN Announces Breaking News
Speaking with us today is former White House official REDACTED.
"President Rump's administration today announced the brand new "we’re going to build us a glorious StarGate" initiative. They also unveiled a line of new red MABAS hats, MABAS being the new 'Make America Build A StarGate' catch phrase of their campaign."
"But isn't this right after he explicitly said he was never going to do it."
"Yes, that is correct. It’s the biggest, most gold plated StarGate anyone has ever seen.
Anywhere. At least that’s what people tell me. People who know. Smart people. Now you do too"
"They claim China is going to pay for our glorious new StarGate."
"That is correct. And of course there will be sacrifice. But that’s what makes this country great. Your sacrifice. Do it today. Sacrifice yourself."
Join us now, in a room somewhere, where the president’s new press secretary, Blond Lady, will speak to us further about this great initiative.
"MABAS is a new beginning for us all.
So we thought we needed a slogan to mark that new beginning. And here it is our new slogan.
Transition to greatness.
Today. Why would you wait?
Be the first on your block. Sign up. Transition to greatness.
Just come on down to one of our many service centers. Fill out the extensive paperwork, then sign and see it notarized right there in front of you. Watch them take your blood. Then watch them take some more. Seems like a lot of blood. What are they going to do with it," you might be asking yourself at the time. "But no worries, because we care about you."
"And then you are all set. To leave the lobby and enter the main facility. To help the cause. To help transition to greatness. Why you're a patriot if you think about it. A real hero. Helping out. Self sacrifice."
'Wait. I thought you said i was going to transition to greatness."
"No, no, no. We never said that. We said transition to greatness. "
A second news reporter jumps up and frantically asks a question while trying not to cough on camera.
"I’m also confused. Because you said that we were already great. Biggly even. And if that is the case, how can we transition to ourselves?"
"Take a journey. Take a journey to yourself. But don’t go too quickly or you might miss the destination. Take your time and savor it. Transition to Yourself."
"Do you see my point? Do you get my drift? You look confused son.
How about we call it the Transition to Even Greater Greatness."
An official aid from an un-disclosed government organization steps in to take it from here. Blond Lady is shuffled offstage.
"Genius. You did it again mam. Paper cups of kool-aid all around. On the house. No, i insist. No i mean it, i really do insist. Drink it all down too. Every last drop. Make your mama proud of you as she smiles down from heaven…"
"What’s that son, you say she lives in Trenton, well what’s the difference, Trenton - Heaven, it’s all the same to Jon Frum. And those he comports with. Or so they tell me. People who know."
So join our Transition to Even Greater Greatness. As we lead the nation. To even better stuff.
No comments:
Post a Comment