Jesus himself was going to come through the StarGate. So said the true believers.
The man himself was coming. Coming through the StarGate.
Bringing such cargo. Sweet, sweet cargo.
Really good stuff. High quality.
We're talking serious quality. Like 'VHS better than BetaMax' kind of quality.
wait a minute.
You’re not going to believe how great that interstellar cargo will be. And the whole interstellar cargo game, not to mention secondary businesses built up around said cargo, why that will be a sweet sweet ride as well. For all who participate. At the tax payers expense no less.
And if that news wasn't breath-taking enough, why there is more. The greatest MC in the history of the universe, Mr JC himself, will be there to deliver it. He will be there to shake your hand when you walk up that long isle to receive your very own slice of that sweet cargo.
Shaking your hand and even saying your name. Not just saying it, but saying it with the proper pronunciation and inflection. And JC spoke all languages, almost like he was using Google Translate, such were the state of his wondrous powers. So he had you covered, no matter where you were from.
But wait, there's more.
For an extra fee, you can hang with JC and his posse in the VIP Lounge. Special VIP passes get you a whole 'holier than thou' experience in our special 'Hang with the Lord' VIP Lounge. Plus special seating at the main event. Real close up like. You can see the shine on their shoes, that's how close you are to them. To their feet. To their feet.
And if you gaze up, you can see the droplets of sweat hanging from their noses, getting ready to come for you. Just like the Lord is waiting to come for you.
Some Star People from Kauai thought that JC would ride a cosmic surf board out of the StarGate. He would ride the inter-stellar pipeline that was powered by the open StarGate, all of that energy rushing forward in one Jaw's sized wonder wave, a sight to behold. And they would be there in the water, waiting in the harbor, on their boards, waiting to greet him when he came sailing on in. Which was sure to happen soon, everyone knew that. They lay on their boards and waited, gazing up at the heavens. Waiting.
A small child spoke up and asked a question.
Being a small child, he spoke his mind with no filters attached to it, and because he was a small child, the adults in the room put up with his line of questioning.
The child had been watching the blaring televised announcements for the big event all day. They were everywhere. Oftentimes the same commercial spot played 2 times in a row, to really hammer the point home for the viewer. The child had also just seen the latest Marvel super hero mega event of the millennium movie (the one with all of the characters plus their dead cousins resurrected by Gomdor). And was perhaps getting their plots mixed up in all the general excitement. Or just very perceptive.
"So is jesus an inside job created by the StarMen themselves?
Or a rouge element? Out for himself. Fucking up the system? One planet at a time?"
The various adults in the room looked at one and other, furrowing their brows, frowning their tight lips, pursing their jaw lines. Some of them were dripping sweat. One was shaking like a madman, like he had Parkinson's... what's that, oh, ok, he does, wow, ok.....
Things got silent again.
The oldest and wisest adult in the room finally spoke up. In a solemn voice. Like that big guy with a cowboy hat they use in all of the movies.
"Oh those are big questions son. To big for the likes of me.
Those questions are for Future Book son. You better go ask them.
They'll be more than happy to help you.
They'll be more than happy to help you.
They can tell you all about it.
In their way."
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